(August 28, 2025)
Daniel pulled their motorcycle to the side of the road and stared out over the beautiful expanse of clear, blue lake.
It was a beautiful day. The kind of day designed for making memories. Get the bike out, pick a pub, and off you go to enjoy the weather and leave all your stresses and cares behind you. And with scenery like this, how could any trouble find you?
Movement in the corner of Daniel’s eye caught their attention, and they turned their head, expecting to see a squirrel or a bird.
What they did not expect was the short, squat little man glowering at him from between two towering aspens.
“Oh, hello,” Daniel said.
The man’s eyes turned heated, raging.
“Um... can I help you?”
Daniel looked around, wondering if they’d accidentally hit this man’s dog without realizing, but the road was empty. Everything was empty. No one was here except for this short, squat, little man.
“Yes,” he said, his voice like gravel. “You can help me by come with me and agreeing to be our sacrifice.”
(October 9, 2025)
Daniel stared at the man. “Um. No, thank you?”
The man scowled. “Not a question. Come, come.”
He waved for Daniel to follow, then turned and walked away. Daniel stared after him for a moment, not sure what to make of any of this, then got back onto their motorcycle...
...and found themselves walking after the man.
Okay, well, that didn’t seem good.
The trees around them faded away, and sudden Daniel stood in the town square of a small village, surrounded by people who barely came up to their knee.
The man who’d led Daniel drew to a stop by a small stage. “Up. We need to get ready to kill you.”
Daniel fought with everything they had, but before long, they were on the stage.
(October 28, 2025)
“Okay, but, before you start, can I just ask... why do you need to kill me?”
A short female-appearing figure stared up at the sky. “To appease the gods, of course.”
“Your gods expect you to lure random people off the road and sacrifice them?”
She blinked. “What? No. What do you take us for? Monsters?”
Daniel said nothing, letting their stare to the talking.
She rolled her eyes. “We sacrifice those with the blood of our enemies?”
“Motorcyclists?”
“Are you not...? Do you not have...? You’re not an ogre?”
Daniel didn’t know whether or not to feel offended. “NO!”
As a whole, the group turned to the man who’d lured them here. He flushed. “Um.”
The sky darkened, and the woman let out a sigh. “Well, crap.”
(December 5, 2025)
Daniel stared up at the sky, waiting for the clouds to part and some great spiritual being to step through, but instead they received a raindrop in the eye.
“Son of a—”
“Get down!”
Someone grabbed their arm and pulled them out of a way just as a giant hand appeared from nowhere to swipe at the platform.
“Someone bleed!” cried the woman who’d grabbed Daniel’s arm. “Quick!”
The man who’d brought Daniel here sliced the palm of his hand and threw the blood into the air. The giant hand retreated, and the sky cleared.
“Well,” Daniel said, heart pounding in their chest. “That was exciting.”
“It’s not over yet,” the woman grumbled. “Everyone, prepare stations. We’ve got some pissed off gods coming through and no ogre on hand. You know what that means.”
The man gulped. “Someone’s getting eaten.”
Daniel glowered at him. “I hope it’s you.”
(January 23, 2026)
Daniel thought that after the confusion about their non-ogreness was cleared up, they’d let them go, but instead they found themself armed with a pitchfork and wearing a helmet half a size too small for their head, standing among the other, shorter people beside the platform in town square.
“What is a pitchfork going to do against the gods?” they asked.
The woman—Berthe--cast them a look. “Make you feel better about your death.”
Wonderful. They looked over their shoulder, hoping to see a way out, but there was nothing but more people waiting for the gods’ arrival.
And arrive they did.
The skies split, and three bright beams of light drifted down to the platform. When the light dimmed, three figures twice Daniel’s height stood before them.
“We demand our sacrifice!”
(January 29, 2026)
“Oh great ones!” Berthe said. “We receive you with great fear and humility!”
“Humility doesn’t feed us, tiny grump. Where is our ogre?”
She shot Daniel a dark look, which they returned with a glower. It was not their fault they weren’t an ogre.
“Oh magnificent ones, do we no have an ogre for you. Is there anything else that would appease you? A human, perhaps?”
Daniel tightened their grip on the pitchfork, ready to fight, but the god sneered. “Humans do not taste good. Too stringy.”
Daniel didn’t know whether they should be offended by that.
One of the other gods drew themselves up to full height. “No food? Very well, then, we demand a game! A puzzle to the death.”
(March 16, 2026)
Why was everything to the death with these people?
But Daniel didn’t have a chance to question them before Berthe grabbed their arm and tugged them towards the gods. Others followed, and the group stopped a few metres away from the towering beings. The gods leaned towards each other, conferring among themselves, and then the one of the left raised its hands.
“The puzzle! You must cross the river without floating or swimming. When you reach the other side, you must get to the top of the tallest tree without climbing. Fail, and you die. Succeed… and perhaps you’ll live to see another day.”
Daniel looked at the determined faces standing nearby. A few people had grown pale, but none looked prepared to refuse.
“All right then,” they said. “I’ll leave you to it. Good luck, strange people!”
Berthe tightened her grip on their arm. “No, not-ogre. You must be the one to carry out this task.”